


Confrontation

by EclipseAtDawn



Category: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Emetophobia, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Infected Paul Matthews, Post-Apotheosis (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals), Post-Canon, Songfic, angst with fluff at the end, half infected paul, this boy... pours a lot of blue shit out fyi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:26:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24591514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EclipseAtDawn/pseuds/EclipseAtDawn
Summary: Paul has been withholding a lot lately, it has some pretty serious consequences.(Confrontation Songfic)
Relationships: Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins
Comments: 16
Kudos: 75





	Confrontation

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for checking this out! I'm really happy to finally publish this as I have been working on it on and off since February and in the last 2 weeks have gotten the final push to finish it!
> 
> This is a songfic and I have never written one before so I hope it makes sense lmao, its for Confrontation from Jekyll & Hyde which we all agree has Let It Out vibes. As I like to say *Ben Wyatt "its about the cones" voice* Its About The Fight For Control....

It was dark, and Paul was surrounded by his own words, his own lies. Flashes of them swirled past him.

_ “Everything’s fine, Em.”  _ Stop lying to her.

_ “It’s okay.”  _ Stop lying to yourself.

_ “You don’t need to worry.”  _ Yes, she does.

_ “This is normal now.”  _ No it’s not.

_ “ _ **_Just let it out, Paul._ ** _ ” _

That one wasn’t his voice, or it was his voice, but not  _ his _ . It was so jarring that it halted all the other whispers, leaving him in silence. But it was right, he had been withholding a lot recently. Because if he shut it down enough surely it would go away, and everything would be okay, right? If he didn’t give in, then it couldn’t truly be a part of him. But those familiar words echoed in his head.

“ _ Lost in the darkness, silence surrounds you”  _ Even now, in his own head he was still holding back as if he was afraid someone would hear him. It’s not that it didn’t feel good, it did, and that’s what he was afraid of. He didn’t want to give into it and let the feeling relive his body for the fear that it would take hold. In fact, he did feel something on this shoulder. He turned around but there was nothing there.

_ “Once there was morning, now endless night”  _ Dread was creeping up on him, like he should stop, but he couldn’t. Not even in his own head. He had to get out of it. That’s when he heard Emma’s voice.

“ **_Paul!_ ** ”

Emma.

_ “I will find the answer , I’ll never desert you, I promise you this, ‘till the day that I…” _

\--------

It was the middle of the night when Emma was woken up by Paul, who was curled in a ball facing away from her, and shaking violently. He was singing something, but Emma couldn’t tell what it was because he sounded so out of breath. Emma reached for his shoulder, his skin was usually cold but now it was covered in an icy sweat. He thrashed out against her touch. She went in with more force and both hands to turn him around, once he was on his back she could see that he was bleeding luminescent blue from his nose and ears with goo coming from his mouth like a rabid animal. His scars that usually shimmered in the dark of the night now lit up and it almost looked as if he was cracked. He looked like a leaking, busted open glow stick. His eyes were screwed shut and he kept turning his head.

“Paul!” He didn’t wake up but he did soften a bit, which meant he could hear her.

“Paul!” Emma shook him, this time waking him up mid lyric. His eyes snapped open and he gasped for air. He darted his eyes for a second before focusing on her.

“Hey, it’s okay. Breathe with me, okay?” Emma helped him sit up as they took deep breaths together, keeping one hand on his shoulder and the other holding his. After a minute he seemed to be doing alright.

“Good, okay, do you wanna talk about it?” She asked as she moved her hand from his shoulder to his back. 

_ Yes.  _ “No.” He shook his head.  _ Don’t bother her with this in the middle of the night, especially when you aren’t even really sure what happened _ he told himself.

“Okay. Do you want me to stay up with you?” Falling asleep was hard enough for him in the first place considering he didn’t actually need it. So whenever he woke up in the middle of the night he usually just stayed awake. Sometimes it was pretty bad and he liked to have her there for comfort, sometimes it wasn’t enough to worry about keeping her awake over.

He shrugged and ran his hand over his face only to find it smeared with blue shit. “Eugh, I better clean up.”

“Yeah.” Emma let out a soft laugh. “I didn’t wanna say anything but you look like shit.”

“Wow. Thanks.”

“Hey, you were the one to say it first!”

“Just give me a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay.”

Paul walked to the bathroom and shut the door behind him, while he loved Emma, sometimes when he got really bad like this he needed to be by himself to attempt to clear his head. He looked in the mirror and couldn’t even fucking recognize himself. He was leaking blue from every hole in his face, all smeared around from his frantic turning in the night. He went to wet a towel to wipe down his face when he heard a ringing through his ears so pitched he had to grip the sink for support. When he opened his eyes he watched as the amount of blue droplets on the white sink increased. Paul shook his head and tried to go back in with the towel when the ringing returned louder, he winced in response. Then he heard Them.

_ "Did you really think I would let you go? Did you  _ **_really_ ** _ think that I would  _ **_ever_ ** _ set you free? If you do I’m sad to say it simply isn’t so. You will  _ **_never_ ** _ get away from me" _

Paul’s eyes snapped open, he could feel as his scars burned and glowed in response as his body tried to fight off a potential relapse. He looked in the mirror and saw that his eyes were pulsating with the beat in his head with how they glowed brighter than they normally do. He tried to stop himself from singing the lyrics that were overflowing his brain. While he managed to not sing them the exact way They wanted him to, it still came out of his mouth.

"All that you are is a face in the mirror, I close my eyes and you'll disappear." He can close his eyes, but that doesn’t stop him from hearing them pounding in his head.

_ "I'm what you face when you face in the mirror, long as you live I will still be here!" _

“All that you are is the end of a nightmare, all that you are is a dying scream. After tonight I will end this demon dream.”

Paul actually didn’t exactly know what that last line was supposed to mean and he was scared of the implications of it.

“ _ This is not a dream my friend and it will never end. This one is the nightmare that goes on~. The Hive is here to stay no matter what you may pretend. And I’ll flourish long after you’re gone~ _ ”

Okay now he was afraid he knew what that was supposed to mean. This  _ was _ in fact the infection trying to take back over. But it couldn’t,  _ could it _ ? He was medicated, it erased all infectious properties of the spores left inside so that it won’t be contagious to anyone else. And while it wasn’t exactly a cure, he had always assumed that it would prevent him from relapsing. The spores left inside couldn't be strong enough to take back over.

"Soon you will die and my silence will hide you, you cannot choose but to lose control!"

_ "You can't control me, I live deep inside you, each day you feel me devour your soul!" _

He could feel them in there, eating away at him. They were a part of him now. But Paul still had control, _ right _ ?

“I don’t need you to survive like you need me, I’ll become whole as you dance with death! And I’ll rejoice as you breath your final breath.”

“Hey, Paul? What’s going on in there?” Emma started knocking on the door. 

Emma.

“Em _ maaaa _ ~!” Paul tried to call out to her. He needed her help, he needed her to call PEIP,  _ this wasn’t supposed to be happening _ .

The knob jiggled. “Paul, unlock the door!”

“ _ I’ll live inside you forever! _ ”

Paul looked in the mirror again to see much to his horror that the singing voice wasn’t just coming from inside his head. But that he was, in fact, singing it. Both voices were him. His scars were glowing violently while more blue shit poured out of him like a leaky faucet. 

“No!” Paul called out.

“Paul! Paul,  _ LET ME IN _ !” Emma was pounding on the door, as if she were trying to break it down. He tried to focus on her to ground himself, but all the sounds of the door were drowned out by the music in his head.

“ _ And I know that now and forever, they’ll never be able to separate Paul from The Hive~! _ ”.

Paul  _ wanted _ \- no, he didn’t want to let Emma in.  _ He could _ -couldn’t. She was in danger if he unlocked that door.  _ But she wants him to open the door _ -no! He tried to say “Emma! Call PEIP!” but instead he said-

“Emma! Ca- _ n’t _ you see it’s over now, it’s time to die!” He didn’t mean to say that to her, it was supposed to be directed towards the beat in his head. The pounding on the door stopped. She got the message, she knew something was wrong.

“ _ No not I, only you! _ ”

“If I die, you die too!”

“ _ You’ll die in me, I’ll  _ **_be_ ** _ you! _ ”

“No _ ooooo~ _ ! Deep inside-”

“Y ** _ou_** a ** _r_** **e** ** _m_** _e_ , _I a_ ** _m_** **_Th_** _e H_ ** _ive!_** ”

“Paul?” There was a light knocking on the door again. No. No no no no no no no, why did she come back? His body started moving towards the door. He couldn’t let  _ It _ let Emma in so he pulled back.

“No! Never!”

“ _ Yes, forever _ !” His body took another step towards the door.   
“God damn you Hive, take all your evil deeds and rot in hell!”

Paul could feel a grin forming on his face that he could not control. 

“ _ I’ll see you there, Paul…! _ ” His hand reached to unlock the door.

“ _ Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrr~! _ ” With a note all too familiar to his ears, Paul blacked out.

\----------

Paul woke up with a killer headache, he opened his eyes to blinding white light. He went to shield his eyes only to find out he was strapped down. To a hospital bed. 

That’s right. He had an attack. A  _ really _ bad one if he remembers correctly. 

Oh god, he blacked out as he unlocked the door for Emma. If he was strapped down, what did he do to her? He started growing frantic, confirmed by the heart monitor rate increasing. He wanted to call out but it was only then he realized his mouth was gagged. He knew he had to calm down, he had been in this situation at the hospital before. The only way to confirm to the doctors that he was actually in a non infected headspace was to remain calm and not struggle as much. He closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath through his nose. The doctors were usually pretty quick to come after he woke up here.

Just as he thought, the doctors came rushing in, checking the monitor, flashing lights in his eyes, pricking him to get another blood sample, asking him questions. There was a lot going on.

“Can you confirm to us that you are in a right state of mind, Ben?” One doctor asked him. Ben? Who’s Ben?

“Can you hear me, Ben?” Oh, that’s right. Paul is Ben. He nodded. They removed the gag from his mouth. “Sorry about that but you know the drill. Can’t have you bursting out into a song on us.”

“What happened? I-I blacked out and I can’t remember.” Someone wrote that down. “Where is…” What was Emma’s fake name again? “Kelly. Where is she? Is she okay? I-”

“She’s okay. She’s waiting outside. But we will have to run a few more tests on you before you can see her.” The doctor explained to him.

“Okay.” Paul said. “Okay.” At least she was here. “Okay.” But being at the hospital always meant more tests. “Okay.”

After what felt like hours of blood tests, spit tests, scans, x rays, etc., all the while  _ nobody _ had told him anything about what happened after he blacked out, he was finally uncuffed from the bed but was told he needed to wait for a doctor’s final all clear before he could leave.

“Ben? How ya feeling?” Emma entered the room slowly. Paul noticed how she was keeping her distance. 

“Wh-” He tried to sit up and his head started spinning. Emma suddenly seemed less afraid and came to help him. “What happened?! Are you okay? I-”

“I’m okay, I’m okay.” Emma tried to calm him down. “You….. kinda had a bad episode.”

“Yeah, kinda figured that. I don’t remember anything after unlocking the door though.”

“Well…..” Emma tried to recall.

“Oh god, what did I do?”

“You….. tried to attack me. But it’s okay! I’m okay!” Emma quickly added sensing his upcoming panic. “After you unlocked the door, you, or  _ it _ I guess, acted like you were still okay. I’m not a fucking idiot and obviously I knew you weren’t okay, that’s why I left to grab the tranq after you threatened me while you where still locked in the bathroom.”

PEIP had given them an anti-EpiPen, because while EpiPens are usually filled with adrenaline, this was basically a tranquilizer to knock Paul out if he ever had a sudden relapse. Which in this case they were lucky to have it.

“Yeah, sorry about that, I was trying to tell you to call PEIP but it… kinda had control.”

“I kinda figured it did. And I did call them but they told me to knock you out for both our sakes.”

“So… you said I acted like I was still okay? What happened after that?”

“I tried to talk to you. Told you that you needed to stay until PEIP came. Then It freaked out and tried to come at me. I already had your EpiPen so I just went ahead and knocked you out. You were certainly something to look at though with all that blue shit smeared around your face and on your hands. Guess you didn’t get far into cleaning up, huh?”

“I’m sorry Em-er, Kelly. I don’t know what happened, I thought it was all under control.”

“Well, you may not know what happened but I do because I already talked to the doctors.” Emma seemed… angry? Maybe? “They said you’ve been so stressed out that it made your system vulnerable and allowed the infection to take back over.”

“Oh…”

Emma grabbed his hand and spoke in a hushed tone. “Why didn’t you talk to me, Paul? Are you scared of me? I don’t understand.”

“No it’s just..” He sighed, there was no running from it anymore. “I…… can’t really open up, I guess? And I wanted to talk about it when you would ask but I just…  _ couldn’t _ . There was always a reason to stop myself. It’s been hard, adjusting to life under these… circumstances. It’s not normal, it feels wrong, but I felt like it was  _ my _ issue that I could keep to myself. And if I can keep it to myself then why bother worrying you with it when there's nothing we can do. I wasn’t scared  _ of _ you, I was trying not to scare you.”

“Well, hell of a job you did on that.” Emma snipped. She immediately softened. “I’m sorry, that’s not fair. But you did scare the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry.” Paul said. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her and apparently he failed at not doing that. 

“It’s okay.”Emma squeezed his hand and gave him a soft smile. “The doctor is sending you home with a higher dose of your meds, something to help with your anxiety, and some weird … I don’t know, antibiotics or some shit? To help bring the infection back down to a safer level. Scooch over.”

“You really think we’re both gonna fit?” Paul raised his eyebrows and let out a very small laugh at the thought of them both fitting on his hospital bed.

“It may be a little tight but we can make it work. Now move your ass.” Emma told him in her usual playfully snarky tone.

Paul did as he was told and moved over to make room for her. It was pretty tight. They both lay on their sides facing each other rather than have half their asses hanging off the bed. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest. She wrapped one arm around his chest and the other around his neck, threading her fingers in his hair.

“I want you to talk to me, you know that right? I don’t want you to feel like you have to shut me out. Because we went through some pretty tough shit. I can’t talk to anyone else about it, and I  _ know _ you can’t either. So  _ please _ just talk to me, okay?” 

“Okay.” Paul responded.

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I really hope you enjoyed! The EpiPen is a reused concept from a previous fic of mine if you recognized it. I..... really needed to end this fic with the comfort lmao
> 
> Check me out on tumblr! My main blog is eclipseatdawn and my starkid blog is graceschasity!


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